so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
