I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
