I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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