I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
