She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
