I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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