so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
