i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
