Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
