dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
