Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
His hands were made for my vagina.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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