My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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