You smell like a Billy Joel song
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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