I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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