i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
