You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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