Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
