im six kinds of drunk right now
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
