I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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