im about as happy as oj after his trial
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
