Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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