Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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