hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
