why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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