Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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