Who wears a wallet chain?!
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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