The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My bed smells like the plague
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
