Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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