Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
