Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
