I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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