Can i not drive my cunt home
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
