Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
