Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize