i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i will never coherently bang her
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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