so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize