Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
