Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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