Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
