The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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