I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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