I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
