That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
