Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
