I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Randomize
