well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Even my vagina gasped.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
