she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
