Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
