You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
