dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
