Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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