he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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