hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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