im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
