She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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