I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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