we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
