Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
