do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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