God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
