i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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