I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize