I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
